Emotions are a vital part of our daily lives. How you feel can affect your total wellbeing as a person and influence your reaction to people. You might be having a good laugh over a chat with a friend or frustrated by slow customer service at the bank. As much as that is a normal way to feel considering the situation, it is also very important to regulate those emotions so they don’t over ride our sense of reasoning.

Controlling your emotions perfectly requires you to have basic understanding of emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is a social skill that enables you to become more aware and genial in understanding handling your emotions as well as that of others. They improve your coping, wellbeing, relationship satisfaction and resilience. According to Mayer, Caruso and Salovey’s four branch models, an emotional intelligent individual has the ability to perceive, convey, comprehend and regulate emotions effectively. Just as we try to increase our cognitive intelligence(IQ) by taking all sorts of test and engaging our brain power. It is also of great importance to put a lot of effort and drive into improving our emotional intelligence.

Our emotional responses result from the way we appraise our experiences. The difference between people who are always frustrated, stressed and complaining and those who don’t let little things get to them is their choice. You decide how you feel and it’s totally up to you to let something hurt and affect your affect your mood. Inability to regulate emotions is the root of a lot of psychological disorders. Your emotions will naturally control your thinking but they’re ways to deal with it. Here are five basic steps that can help you manage your emotions;

1. Concede and admit to your feelings

The first and most important step in taking charge of your emotions is to acknowledge those feelings. We don’t just sit and wait for our problems to run away on their own, we confront them and cut the chase. Accept that what you’re feeling is natural and not abnormal. You won’t be classified as a very normal human being if someone slaps you and you don’t get angry or you feel no sadness when you just lost money or a job. Those troubling feelings are only going to keep resurfacing and haunting you if you don’t admit that it’s an issue you need to tackle.

Become aware of how you feel in particular situations and identify those emotions. Name them if you can. Start taking active steps towards monitoring your emotions. Take note of physical reactions like a faster heart rate, shallow breathing, jaw clenching or tense muscles. When you’re able to recognize when your feelings are going spiral, they become less difficult to control.

Identifying what the emotions are also helps you find the root cause. Ask yourself, why do i feel this way? Do you find yourself bitter and angry about everything? Trace it back to your past. It might have been because of your parent’s divorce or physical violence you ones experienced. Try to point out situations where you felt that way in time past. This gives you a broader understanding of your emotions and puts you on top of your feelings.

2. Avoid emotional triggers

Now that you’ve identified your emotions and their cause. The next step is to avoid places and situations that crank you up. It is of crucial importance to stay away from toxic people or anything that affects your mental health. Run from them like a plague. If you constantly feel weighed down or under a lot of pressure when you’re in a particular company, it’s best to cut that company altogether. Stay away from things that instigate sadness or depression. It could be the music you listen to, the books you read or even the movies you’re watching. If they keep on building negative feelings in you, trash them now.

Now that you’ve identified your emotions and their cause. The next step is to avoid places and situations that crank you up. It is of crucial importance to stay away from toxic people or anything that affects your mental health. Run from them like a plague. If you constantly feel weighed down or under a lot of pressure when you’re in a particular company, it’s best to cut that company altogether. Stay away from things that instigate sadness or depression. It could be the music you listen to, the books you read or even the movies you’re watching. If they keep on building negative feelings in you, trash them now.

3. Renew and channel negative thoughts into positive ones

You just spent close to 2 hours in traffic on your way to work, you end up late and now your boss is complaining about a particular presentation you didn’t get right. On your way back from your boss’ office. someone spills a cup of coffee on you. The first thing you feel is a deep urge to lash out or even go as far as hitting the person with the coffee mug. But as one who is learning how to control their emotions, this is what you should do. Don’t react right away; instead, realize that what you feel now is a buildup of emotions that have piled through the sequence of negative scenarios you’ve been experiencing earlier.

When you learn how to take a deep breath and think through your emotional response, your journey towards a really high emotional intelligence begins. Relax and visualize a pleasant situation or happy moments. Imagine that negative emotion as a physical obstacle you can remove or throw away. Then slowly envision the stress flowing out of your body. It is very vital to develop calming physical routines incase of negative triggers.

Understand that you have the choice to pick how you feel. Try doing the opposite of what you’ll normally do. For example, instead of lashing out on the co-worker who spilled their coffee on you. You can work straight to the bathroom and see if the damage can be undone. If it can’t, think up a solution and take action. You’ll agree that is definitely more productive than yelling and allowing your anger take charge of you. You can even fuel that emotional anger into your work, improving your productivity through out the day.

Shift your attentional focus. If you’ve ever watched the movie “Sound of music”, then you’ll remember the song about a few of your favorite things. Sing your own personal song.

4. Communicate your feelings

Learn to express your feelings directly and confidently. It is important to know how to communicate your feelings assertively. It helps you control your emotions while also creating change. It’s okay to say how you feel or speak out on things that make you uncomfortable so far you do so clearly and tactfully. Learn to speak out in ways that do not also hurt the other person so you don’t come out as judgmental. Instead of saying “You always shun me” you could try “I felt a little bit hurt when you turned my opinion down at the meeting”. This way you’ve let the hurt flow out of you without also blaming the other person. Not being able to communicate your feelings, builds them up within you and you’ll find yourself exploding at the wrong time if you’re not careful.

You can also keep a journal or a happy book where you write down your feelings. Instead of focusing on the negatives you can write down one or two things that made you happy. It could be as little as a good song you heard or a staff that made you laugh. A journal helps you to better recognize your emotions and how you react to them. Ask yourself questions in your journals. Write down more helpful ways to deal with the emotion so you’re better prepared the next time it comes up.

5. Seek professional help

Sometimes you seem to have tried everything and still find yourself in a state of emotional turmoil. Difficulty regulating your emotions might be an underlying symptom of a more serious problem like depression or mental disorder. You might need to see someone who is licensed and professionally trained to help you work through your feelings. Never feel ashamed or disoriented about seeing someone. It doesn’t mean you’re mentally ill, it only indicates that you’re mature and mentally prepared enough to deal with your feelings which are a plus on emotional intelligence. If you’re confused to how to go about it, you can ask your family doctor to recommend an experienced psychologist and trust me when I say, you’ll be better for it.

Do not also cultivate the habit of lying to your doctor. They are here to help you and won’t be able to do their job if you can’t express your feelings confidently. Yes, it won’t be an easy one at first because you may feel like you’re opening up to a complete stranger. But gradually, you’ll grow to be comfortable with them and you’ll start noticing outstanding progress in your mental health.

Emotions are like a wild stream. They are powerful and determine a lot in your life. Gaining control will make you stronger mentally and just like any other skill; regulating your emotions require constant practice and devotion.

Thanks for your visit,

Yours

Manoj.